I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
