she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
