I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We need to get me chipped asap
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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