do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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