Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
