You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
