did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
