I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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