I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
