The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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