something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
false alarm, still single
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
