Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
