i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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