a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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