This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
