just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I want is dick and wine.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
