Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
