I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
