Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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