elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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