...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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