youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
