so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
