My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
