when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
