Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
