its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
