youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
