he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
