Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I pour the whiskey from now on
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