Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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