The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
