when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
