Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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