we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
