I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
