I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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