Don't make out with my wife yet
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I am one with the molecules
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
