Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
