i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
