No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
