I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
