butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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