I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
