what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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