Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
