How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
