no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
