I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
