I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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