Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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