i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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