Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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