I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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