I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
