I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
only if we run a train.
done.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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