she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
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If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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