just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
