Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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