seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
