last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
