she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
