in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
