dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His hands were made for my vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
