There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
