sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
