i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
