omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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