He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
