You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
