two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
