I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
