I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
