Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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