That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
