non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
