Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
