dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
